Please…Don’t Say Another Word…

The title of this blog post was inspired by comments and questions my OB/GYN said to me when I saw her last December. That was my first time seeing her since finding out about my mutation. And let me tell you, that was one hell of an appointment.

So, at this appointment, my mom and I were sitting and talking in the patient room while we waited for Dr. Sober to come in. In all honesty, it was just supposed to be a regular check-up; I never really thought we’d talk about the mutation, but I guess I should’ve known it would come up sooner or later.

Anyways, I don’t remember much about the appointment, and that’s OK because that’s not the highlight of this post, but I do remember three things that happened: Dr. Sober saying, “We may have to start freezing your eggs when you’re twenty-six, but, I’m not sure”; Dr. Sober saying, “So, I assume you have a boyfriend.”; and then getting a metal clamp thingy stuck up….well, I bet you can figure out the rest.

However, the two things that Dr. Sober said to me that day haunted me for a while that Christmas break (and even now, I sometimes find myself playing them in my head over and over again).  So, let me break down each “Dr. Sober quote” and why they bothered me so much back then and even today.

Let’s start with her first quote: “We may have to start freezing your eggs when you’re twenty-six, but, I’m not sure.” Why she is saying this is because, as you guys may know, the BRCA2 mutation also increases the chances of getting ovarian cancer.  And, just like with the breasts, there are many different ways to screen and prevent (or at least to try to prevent) cancer from ever developing such as using screeningsbirth control and chemoprevention, and surgeries.

Obviously with Dr. Sober’s comment, it feels like she is leaning towards surgery because why else would we freeze my eggs? But, that’s just an idea she came up with because she doesn’t have a clue of what we need to do since I am her first twenty-one year old patient with the mutation. So, you can imagine how terrified I felt; not only do not know what’s going to happen with my ovaries, eggs, and tubes….neither does my doctor!

This unknown that I’m currently faced with puts a damper on my thoughts about having a family in the future. If you’re someone who knows me really well, I love kids and I can’t wait to have them. I want a huge family of beautiful, geeky, sports-loving babies. But, every time I think of having a family, this unknown pops up and won’t leave me alone.

Though, we did come to the conclusion that she doesn’t really want to do screenings because they aren’t that accurate. Also, I would only have my period four times a year so that I can have extra protection. Go birth control!

Now, let’s move on to her other comment: “So, I assume you have a boyfriend.” This kind of caught me off guard. Why is she assuming this? That’s none of her business. But then, it dawned on me…. a few years ago, Dr. Sober told me that when I have a stable relationship that that should be the time I get the genetic test done. Well…I didn’t listen to her obviously. I was single when I had the test done…I was single when I went to her office…And I’m single as I’m writing this post.

I do understand where Dr. Sober is coming from; she wanted me to be able to have someone who I can discuss these big decisions with and have someone to lean on other than my family. And sometimes I do think I should’ve waited because of  those factors. Yes, it would be awesome to talk to someone about the future and what I should do. Yes, it would be amazing to have someone else to cry to other than my mom. But, at the rate I’m going concerning relationships and the such…I probably would’ve gotten cancer before knowing I had the mutation.

However, even though I understand where she’s coming from, I don’t think she should’ve said that. What she should’ve said was whenever I was ready to handle the possible outcomes of the genetics test would be the best time to take it. By Dr. Sober using “having a boyfriend” or “having a stable relationship” as a criteria for getting the test done, it made me feel as if I wasn’t going to be strong enough to handle the possibility of being positive. But…I think I proved her wrong.

Let’s just say I’m glad that day is over with. I became overly emotional (and I’m already an emotional person so you can just guess how bad this was) over her comments and allowed them to haunt my thoughts for a good few weeks.  Yeah, I still think about her comments at times and, quite frankly, they’re probably two of things I think about the most when it comes to the mutation.

Right now, I’m not really looking for anyone and I’m certainly not ready to have kids. But one day, I’ll be ready for both.

When that day comes, hopefully I will be able to have the family that I want.

Hopefully, I’ll find someone who will be willing to be part of my support system…and come to appointments with me…and be someone I can talk to when this stuff gets to be too much for me to handle by myself.

But, that’s all up in the air right now. So,  I just have to wait and see what happens because everything happens for a reason. I just hope everything goes in my favor.

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